Whatever. Hormones.

Period got here, and I've been sliding backwards into depression and rage again.

A college acquaintance asked what I was doing for a job, and when I mentioned that I was going to be screwed for money and have to ask for help from parents, she said, "yeah, but leaning on parents isn't ideal." Thanks a lot, Sherlock. Fuck you.

I'm also convinced no one is fucking reading this thing, so why the hell not make it public? I can't convince myself to get out of bed. After M called and cajoled me out of bed, he ordered me to go do 50 pushups/situps along with the exercise. Thanks for setting impossible goals. I know he cares, but EVERYTHING feels so damn pointless and far away.

He's about the only person in my life other than maybe my parents who gives a damn, and I'd like to proclaim that he loves some illusion. He's also my only friend. The rest of the people in my life are on their way out, doing something else.

Went down to the gym, started exercising, and blew up in rage at the stupid country music playing on the loudspeakers. No way to turn them off. Fuck it all.

Wow...

Okay, I'm stunned. 12 responses! I was totally blown away. I'm also feeling much more sheepishly apologetic now.

I think I wanted to lash out because I feel so utterly worthless right now; love doesn't seem like enough, sometimes. But this helps. A lot. Thank you. I love you.

Oh! I should also add that shortly after writing that entry, I burst into tears and went down to the gym again, and, with CD player blaring loudly, did a decent workout. So it sort of worked out.