a common sense reminder

[kimberkit]

before you start talking, remember that people's feelings are reality, to them. If you only give logic, in response to an overwrought person, without acknowledging their feelings first, chances are slim that you'll make much headway.

when I first started teaching, and a kid would do something stupid, like throw a paper ball first, I would yell at them and call their parents' homes, firmly reiterating that certain behaviors were unaccepatable. This year, it occurred to me that if I listened to *why* the kid was upset and then gave them an alternative to their frustration -- write an angry note, mediated between the two of them, etc -- my classroom ran better. (no worries, I'd call their houses if it happened again. There do have to be consequences.) Nothing major -- but the atmosphere was a little smoother, a little happier. People work better when they're happier, if you only just listen to them.

that seems like such an obvious statement, but I don't think most people really get that. I had the lovely experience the other day of rambling at yoda4554, and having him be relatively quiet, so that I worked out most of my upset for myself. I sound like a parenting book, or something, but again, people are perfectly capable of working out their own problems, if only you give them some space to do it.

Comments

[sir-graeme.livejournal.com]

It's like something I read from Everyman's Talmud yesterday -- an image of God creating the world with both justice and mercy so that evil could be placed in check, but that humans would be given second chances and thus be allowed to explore the world and make mistakes. A friend of mine also once noted that, in his experiences as a camp counselor, angry kids often just need to be taken out on the lake and listened to for a while.

But to apply it to high school students requires patience of a sort that I cannot fathom. :-)