Updatey type thoughts
Oct. 24th, 2006 05:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kimberkitThings I've thought lately:
I wish I were cool.
Some of this feeling of alienation is a direct result because of being brighter than a portion of the class, which naturally creates division. Some of this is just that I don't have enough things in common with others, who're wrapped up in their own lives, and so while I have many friendly acquaintes, I don't have friends in massage school.
I love giving massage, but it's made me less of a touchy-feely person in general.
... This is because of the fact that I'm more aware of how touch affects others, and so I'm less likely to spontaneously reach out unless invitd -- this is the professional, and more lonely thing to do. And maybe the more average thing to do.
I never have enough time or energy to talk to my extended circle of friends anymore...
The people I do talk to are in Brazil or Florida, or their names are David or Neil. I'm blessed because I have 2 amazing boyfriends, but when they're not here, I falter. And okay, sometimes I hang out with my high school friend Debbie, but I feel the need to be strong for her, rather than allowing myself to be vulnerable, because she's so often anxious/sad herself.
I miss the change in schedule this semester.
Shiatsu class used to mean having time to meditate on Monday morning, and while I stretch, I don't always remember to meditate. And the thing is, when you're sad, it's harder to remember to do good things for yourself.
I don't like the way I look.
I've gained 15 pounds since entering school. I try exercise, but I'm not restricting my calories enough, I guess. Except that when I'm upset, I eat, so I curse myself.
I rock at all the academic stuff in school.
Yay me.
I'm not earning enough money.
I lean on Neil too much for money, but don't have enough time to study and earn more. I'm scared about going for a full time job, but I think it's what I'll have to do in order to put myself through school; and I'll have to go part time, and I'm reasonably sure I won't enjoy a full time office job, either, but... :/
I dream about Matt sometimes.
The rational part of me knows that it could take years for him to really face up to our breakup, because it knows that he's just fragile like that, even after he's faced some of the major issues that troubled him in the first place. But it doesn't stop me from wishing I could call him. (I can't. I called him once a few months ago, he blew me off, and the ball's still in his court as far as I'm concerned.)
Man, I need to hear a new set of jokes or something.
Anyone have some entertainment?
I wish I were cool.
Some of this feeling of alienation is a direct result because of being brighter than a portion of the class, which naturally creates division. Some of this is just that I don't have enough things in common with others, who're wrapped up in their own lives, and so while I have many friendly acquaintes, I don't have friends in massage school.
I love giving massage, but it's made me less of a touchy-feely person in general.
... This is because of the fact that I'm more aware of how touch affects others, and so I'm less likely to spontaneously reach out unless invitd -- this is the professional, and more lonely thing to do. And maybe the more average thing to do.
I never have enough time or energy to talk to my extended circle of friends anymore...
The people I do talk to are in Brazil or Florida, or their names are David or Neil. I'm blessed because I have 2 amazing boyfriends, but when they're not here, I falter. And okay, sometimes I hang out with my high school friend Debbie, but I feel the need to be strong for her, rather than allowing myself to be vulnerable, because she's so often anxious/sad herself.
I miss the change in schedule this semester.
Shiatsu class used to mean having time to meditate on Monday morning, and while I stretch, I don't always remember to meditate. And the thing is, when you're sad, it's harder to remember to do good things for yourself.
I don't like the way I look.
I've gained 15 pounds since entering school. I try exercise, but I'm not restricting my calories enough, I guess. Except that when I'm upset, I eat, so I curse myself.
I rock at all the academic stuff in school.
Yay me.
I'm not earning enough money.
I lean on Neil too much for money, but don't have enough time to study and earn more. I'm scared about going for a full time job, but I think it's what I'll have to do in order to put myself through school; and I'll have to go part time, and I'm reasonably sure I won't enjoy a full time office job, either, but... :/
I dream about Matt sometimes.
The rational part of me knows that it could take years for him to really face up to our breakup, because it knows that he's just fragile like that, even after he's faced some of the major issues that troubled him in the first place. But it doesn't stop me from wishing I could call him. (I can't. I called him once a few months ago, he blew me off, and the ball's still in his court as far as I'm concerned.)
Man, I need to hear a new set of jokes or something.
Anyone have some entertainment?
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-25 04:24 pm (UTC)For the record, you ARE cool, and funny, and wonderful and beautiful ... ok, ok, I'm gushing again, but that doesn't make it not true.
I love you so much ...
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 06:35 pm (UTC)