Notes on the process of reflection

In my reflective class on teaching, the process of understanding a problem is broken down. I write this because I think it's important to notice how we effectively break these things down, in general, and this class is often quite wonderful, in terms of therapy.

First, we describe the problem. Then, we ask clarifying questions without judgment or suggestions built in. Not "what's wrong?" (too general) or "have you tried X?" which is really a suggestion. Clarifying questions: "I notice you said this, and what do you mean by that?" and "what else have you done?"

It strikes me that so often, we don't ask each other clarifying questions; we jump straight to the next step, which is a snap-diagnosis of the problem. Even worse, we often leapfrog to the next step after that, which is a round of suggestions. Watching my freshmen, too, I notice how they actually barely bother with the entire process -- they skip right over it. They talk right over each other, without pausing to listen when the other person speaks, and they jump straight to "suggested course of action."

When we're emotional, the proper response is always to ask clarifying questions before diagnosing or suggesting. So many people never understand this; we're never taught. For myself, I'm making a mental note to always ask...