Depressed or overweight?

[kimberkit]

Over the past year or so, I've noticed that either the antidepressant, or just the effect of being happier, is directly correlated with about 20 pounds more weight. That doesn't make me obese. But it does affect my clothing -- clothing that should be tailored, and isn't -- and confidence as an indirect result. I can go to the gym all I want; more muscle mass and better cardiovascular health hasn't touched the pounds. I like the feeling of having done something for my body, but it doesn't touch my waistline.

What would you rather be, honestly? Overweight and taking antidepressants, or trying to figure out how to deal with depression in ways other than with medication?

Seriously. It's easy to say, "of course you should be overweight rather than sad." Very glib. The other glib response is, "you should talk to your doctor about finding another drug." News flash: all SSRIs include a side effect of weight gain, and Zoloft is supposed to be one the of lowest on the list for causing that particular side effect. Plus it would be months more of experimenting with the right drugs and dosages.

I'm signing up for acupuncture clinic next semester, in the hopes that it'll strengthen my defensive qi, and feel more balanced, and perhaps the drugging can be eliminated altogether.

Comments

[cosmicbabe.livejournal.com]

For 9 months (a few years ago), I was on a migraine-preventative drug (Topamax) that had a side effect of weight loss. (It was prescribed off-label; the main use was as an anti-convulsive. All the drugs used as migraine-preventatives are prescribed off-label -- generally they're either anti-convulsives, blood pressure meds, or anti-depressants. Over the years, I'd tried several drugs in the first 2 categories; I wanted to avoid the last because I was extremely skittish of the sexual side effects, and only agreed to try it as a last resort about 2 years ago. Of course, in retrospect, I wish I'd tried it 15 years ago when I was diagnosed with migraine disease!)

So, on the Topamax, I lost 27 pounds in 9 months without trying (and I had at least that much to spare!). Sounds great, right? But unfortunately, the other side effects of the drug included making me batshit crazy nuts with severe anxiety attacks, manic-depressive cycles, and all-around general hysterical freak-outs & crying jags at the drop of a hat. My secondary relationship was a casualty of that drug (although it would have happened sooner or later, but I'm sure the ending wouldn't have been so gloriously psycho without the meds). Almost a month to the day that I stopped taking Topomax, I felt suddenly very normal & balanced -- it was if a miasma hanging over me for most of a year just vanished.

Now I'm on a different class of meds for a migraine-preventative, an anti-depressant so old it has a very cheap generic. I'm on half the dose that's normally prescribed for depression, and it's cut my migraines by about 80% (from 10-12 a month, to about 2 a month). I've also gained around 30 pounds since I started the drug, which is a side effect I was hoping wouldn't hit me (although I got lucky, and it's the only side effect I have). But I'd much rather be a size 16 and feeling healthier, than a size 10 and dreading my next attack pretty much constantly. I'll probably be on this drug until I'm past menopause (my migraines are hormonally-triggered), and I'll probably never be a size 10 again.

So I'm learning to embrace my new curves and not fret over numbers on the scale.

(I hope acupuncture helps you! I really, really wanted it to help my migraines, but it didn't...and it made me feel a bit too energetic overall, which was rather unnerving. Like being 10 years old on the last day of school before summer vacation every day...made me very antsy.)

[kimberkit.livejournal.com]

(I hope acupuncture helps me too... failing that, Shiatsu more often, and generic massage.)

Thoughts are scattered on the drug thing -- it's almost tempting to wish I had something as bad as a migraine, because I don't truly dread my depression. It's a part of my personality, so I've integrated some of that, in a weird way. And it's also harder to remember the truly bad attacks; it's like afterwards, I forget how seductive suicidal thoughts are, or how it felt to be in that frame of mind.

Anyway, thank you for an insightful comment.