kimberkit | Rants about sex toys (Reply)

I have recently decided that I have purchased a large number of sex toys in my lifetime. During that lifetime, I have quite a few rants on some of the more popular sort. First up:

The Hitachi Magic Wand: A great strong buzz that you can plug into your wall... also, it not only happens to be a little strong for my clit without a few layers of clothing between me and it, but mine also works quite strangely.

A few months after I purchased it, I discovered it would only work if I held the cord at a certain angle. I am certain that this is an electrical hazard. I have heard tell of another gal who have also found the Hitachi to be an electrical hazard to corroborate this speculate -- her Hitachi Magic Wand's cord caught on fire. And, y'know, during the middle of a masturbation session, there is actually some confusion:
"Do I go and put out the fire, or do I finish?"
This should not ever have to be a problem.

Also, as a final note, I should say this: despite the fact that it is sold as a "back massager," I have never had a massage that felt good using that thing.
The butterfly vibe: This might seem like the perfect solution -- after all, girl gets to ride guy and not attend to her clit at all. Alas, depending on your angle during sex, you run the risk of leaving a butterfly-shaped bruise on your boyfriend's pubis. Moreover, the vibration directly on the clit at a certain angle might not be fun at all, but rather painful. Finally, dear buyers -- check to make sure that the leg straps don't fasten with little hook things that snap imperfectly, thus whiplashing the elastic straps onto your poor boyfriend's belly and killing the mood completely.
The Nubby G: A fantastic G-spot stimulator. One of my fave toys... unfortunately, it's also made of jelly rubber, which isn't safe to use without a condom. Who decided on that, anyway? Do you know how expensive condoms are once you get out of college?! What happened to free love? ;) [Kidding. Mostly. Condoms are better than infection any day.]
The Fukuoko: This would be a great toy -- if the batteries didn't die within like a month after usage.
Cock rings of any stripe: I've never been able to get the vibrating ones to sit right on my clit, and the non-vibrating ones don't. do. anything. for me. Any boy worth his salt can keep it up long enough to make me happy, and what else are they exactly supposed to be good for?

More rants to come as I think of them.