kimberkit: (Default)
[personal profile] kimberkit
At yesterday's cuddle party, the clarity of the opening welcome circle hit me again. A boundaries workshop, it made me feel completely aware again of where mine were, and of feeling free to cuddle OR NOT with whoever I wanted to.

"Have you ever had someone reach out and try to squeeze your shoulder or hug you without asking, even with the very best of intentions, and then had that feel wrong? It's because, well-intentioned or not, non-consent is about taking away your voice."

I feel like I'm finding my voice again.

Date: 2012-03-10 04:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That's interesting.

I attended a cuddle party with some friends last year. I have pretty good boundaries so I wasn't afraid to say no or yes. What I found difficult was asking.

I should stress that I am really good about asking and checking in when I interact with someone new. That said, I also rely on non-verbal communication to cover most basic invitations to touch like hugs.

The cuddle party host stressed that we must seek verbal confirmation for every new action. That meant the evening turned into "may I hug you," "may I play with your hair," "may I hold your hand," and so on. The constant reminder of boundaries added a lot of friction and made the whole evening feel unnatural to me.

I have never felt so distant from other human beings.

Date: 2012-03-10 07:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think that might be because other people weren't very good about saying "you are welcome to hug and touch my body from here to here" and thus covering explicit consent. That's a facilitator issue -- making sure that everyone knew how to ask to the point of not telling people how to say "yes to lots." Sorry it sucked for you, though :/


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