I don't have stress. I'm a carrier.

[kimberkit]

They say that weddings are for the bride. In reality, I think that they only say that because in the long run, the bride ends up caving like a fifty-year old couch to the pressures and whinging of the bridal industry, her parents, and her bridesmaids.

Dress shopping -- despite the decision to make the dress rather than spend gadzillions on it -- is super stressful. Dressmaker wants three months to finish and alter it. I have to go buy more fabric. I am overconscious of my weight, and have been staring at the exact line and fall of too many dresses in order to figure out how all of this goes. I harassed all my bridesmaids to alter their dresses already, given that seamstresses apparently have such an annoyingly long deadline, and I asked one of my bridesmaids (who took offense) to wear a corset, so now I'm sure my friends are annoyed at me, despite the fact that as bridezillas go, I don't think that all of this was on the unreasonable end of things.

(Random thought: do brides ask their closer friends to be bridesmaids because they hope that they will be more forgiving of the atrocities they inflict?)

Meanwhile, mother wants flowers on the tables at the reception. I refused, saying that I wanted funky props and for people to have FUN at the reception, rather than stiff flowers. She's still insisting on a notion of propriety. Bah. I WILL make this fun dammit.

How does a celebration of love and a gathering of friends for fun turn into such a debacle? And how is this for "the bride"?

Further, when did weddings turn into such a political thing? I recently emailed a friend who I hadn't spoken to for a long time, asking him how he was and to come to the shindig, but he is not returning my email (is it because we're not invited to their wedding? does he just not want to talk to me anymore? am I being paranoid? argh!)

Kim is tired. Neil is sick, and Kim is worried that she's getting that way.

The good news is, Kim joined a local HS pool, that she can swim at in the evenings. Hopefully that will help her feel more energized, longrun.

Comments

[g-me.livejournal.com]

bah. weddings are for so many things - the god-awful bridal industry, the bride and groom's families, the bride, the groom, etc. - and everyone and their mother will have an opinion on what you should or shouldn't do, what's the right etiquette or not, what you should have on your tables or not, etc. etc...it doesn't end unless you put a stop to it, which you should. Sometimes there are financial things mixed up in it - whoever is paying for your wedding, if it's not you, probably wants a say in how some things are done.

I actually think this is fair, within reason, but I also think that if you don't like what they're making you do with their money, you should refuse it. When my mom got too overbearing and started tieing all of her financial support to meeting certain conditions about the guest list, etc., we offered her the money back and said that we'd rather have a small, frugal wedding than to have a celebration that wasn't ours. She lightened up a bit after that, so we took the money after all, and we did let her voice her opinions and tried to be considerate of them. In the end though, Keith and I made all the decisions and we didn't have a single thing we didn't want.

Granted, this is all easier if you and your parents are on somewhat of the same wavelength. Oh, also, flowers don't have to look stiff or formal - though I think your idea of fun props is awesome! We didn't want stiff formal flowers either, and we wanted to use funky vases, so we got a bunch of 1 dollar vases from IKEA and put fresh cut daisies in them. Worked for us - find something that works for you and just go with it. Your mom probably won't even notice once the day actually arrives.

I have only a couple of very small regrets from our wedding. One is that I wish we had sucked up the cost and invited the 10 or so extra people who we cut because of budget concerns. Looking back, I would have rather had them there, and the money didn't end up mattering as much I had thought it would. I can't remember the other regret at the moment, but suffice it to say that if you stick with your gut and plan the celebration YOU both want, it will be a lot of fun. My wedding was probably the most fun day of my life, but it wouldn't have been if we'd let everyone else push us around.

To be fair, it's a big day for your parents too, so try to treat them gently. :-)

[kizlj.livejournal.com]

I think it's easier when you're older. If I were getting married now, it'd be very low key and very informal, and I'd be telling anyone who wanted things otherwise that it's my wedding, my style, and they're free to attend or not.

Otoh, that's easier to pull off when it's all your own money and you're old and cranky and confident enough to pull it off. When I actually did get married, I basically let my dad pull it all together, since he's the one that wanted the ceremony and he's the one that paid for it.

[kimberkit.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the comment, G :) Voice of sanity helps.

[kimberkit.livejournal.com]

heh, yeah, that money thing... but will keep in mind crankiness thing.

[osirusbrisbane.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've always thought weddings should be for the people getting married, but it's definitely for the parents too. G's advice there is worth taking, as I know she was beset by very demanding parents, and still managed to enjoy it all and have a wonderful event.

And weddings are political insofar as they are laden with social obligation. Someone might well be reluctant to attend yours if they didn't want to invite you to theirs. I was once nuked from a wedding invite list for not attending the engagement party.

All that being said, my belief remains that if you two are happy and the people you love are there, the wedding is a success. The rest is trappings, albeit not insignificant ones.

[rabjeff.livejournal.com]

They have the money, but don't forget you have the bride and groom. They can't have this wedding without you.

We put our foot down and got most of what we wanted at our wedding, back in prehistoric days. We did have two bands, one we wanted and one her parents wanted, but at least there was continuous music. In the end I wore shoes instead of sandels.

The guest list was the big issue. At first we agreed it would be split 3 ways: her parents, my parents, and us. We cut a handful of people we really wanted to be there. Also had a party the next day for everyone who did not make the cut, extending the celebration (a Jewish tradition).

In the end, her parents decided, since they were paying, they could invite an extra 50 or so people. Not only that, but they then were short of invitations, so the didn't send to our friends in Israel who we wanted to invite even though they couldn't come. Didn't even tell us, figured they weren't coming, so why waste an invitation? Only found out two years later when we were in Israel and spoke to some of these friends who were disappointed not to invited.

Am I still pissed? Nah!

Other than that, it was a great party. Come visit and I'll show you the pictures. :-)

Jeff

[entropicangel.livejournal.com]

sorry I got you sick, love ... help me remember about flu shots come fall ...