asked how I was, which totally made my day. Thank you =) Friends are such lovely things to have, and I know I haven't been completely present for some of you, so I'm really grateful y'all are still around.
Here's the update:
I still feel guilty over breaking up with Matt. He haunts me. Yesterday, I heard Jesse's voice in my head: "you broke my dreams." I hear the voice of heartbreak, and it's incredibly hard to not want to somehow make amends by being miserable along with every other sad person. But...
In positive news, though, I went to a shiatsu massage yesterday that was sooooooooo awesome. Shiatsu is eastern, so you get a lot of talking about balance in your life - and when my (drop dead gorgeous) massage therapist ran her fingers along my arm (PC meridian), she said "hmm... social life troubled. Broke up with a boyfriend?" "yeah - depression and guilt." Which I thought was totally amazing. I mean, the idea that your body can give away that much, and can be healed in the moment of touch, is something that is almost orgasmically cool. And I want to do this as a career.
Mom, of course, says, "that's the stupidest idea you've ever come up with," and wants me to be doing something more intellectual -- read: medical school.
But she's helping me in my search for finding random publishing/HR positions that I'd be qualified for, since I've effectively turned my back on my teaching degree, and she's helping me out financially for paying for massage school, so I can't really complain. How many people really don't have to worry about starvation, after all, and are lucky enough to be able to consider a career in helping others?
Meanwhile, I'm very in love with Neil, and he wants to move to New York as soon as he finds a job here. And I want him here, in my life, every day.
I feel very blessed.